yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
