I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
