my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
