It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
