It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
only if we run a train.
done.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
