Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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