she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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