so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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