Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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