Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
