I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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