True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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