VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
