I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
