you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
