how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone shattered a urinal.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
