Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Couch. On fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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