Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
