she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
