She's JV to your varsity
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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