Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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