So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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