I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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