hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
