you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
