Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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