ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize