That's when you crack a 10am beer
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize