Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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