There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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