I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
