I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
two words: eviction party
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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