4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize