Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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