God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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