I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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