remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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