wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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