So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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