Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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