Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
