You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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