I got chris browned last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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