we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
