guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
