he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
