Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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