Do you still have your period?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
