just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
