____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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