The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
