Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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