Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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