dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
