He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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