Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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