i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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