I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
