Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize