I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
