Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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