I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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