Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
